You’re getting divorced — but you’ll always be co-parents. The way you handle that ongoing relationship will affect your children for the rest of their lives. Research is crystal clear: kids do significantly better — emotionally, academically, and even physically — when their parents manage to keep conflict low. Collaborative Divorce gives you the professional support and practical tools to turn “impossible” into “manageable”, so your kids get the stable, loving foundation they deserve.
Why Preserving a Relationship Matters for Your Children
You may feel like the last thing you want after divorce is to have any relationship with your ex-spouse. Even so, preserving your relationship in a workable and respectful way is one of the most valuable choices you can make for your children.
Research shows that when kids experience lower conflict between their parents, they have better health outcomes. Ongoing parental conflict may lead to toxic stress toxic stress, causing negative long-term health outcomes for your child. When you find ways to co-parent respectfully, you reduce this stress and support stronger emotional and physical development.
Almost every divorcing parent I meet says the same thing: “I just want to protect my kids.” The best way to do that? Keep ongoing conflict to a minimum. Decades of child development research — including the landmark Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study — confirm that prolonged parental conflict is a form of toxic stress that raises children’s risk of anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems later in life.
When you lower conflict and preserve a functional relationship with your ex-spouse, you give your kids a more stable day-to-day life during and after the divorce.
How Conflict Affects Your Divorce Process
The traditional court system places you and your spouse in an adversarial position. When you rely on the court to decide your parenting issues, you may end up filing affidavits, responding to cross examination, and working through a process that naturally increases conflict. Additional conflict harms your ability to co-parent effectively, and your children will feel the impact.
If you and your spouse are struggling to manage parenting issues, preserving a respectful relationship can prevent future problems. Without it, even simple co-parenting decisions become harder and more stressful for everyone involved.
Why Extended Family Relationships Matter
Your children may already have close ties with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other extended family members on both sides. Those relationships provide nurturing, emotional support, and stability. Research shows that when kids keep these caring support structures, they are better protected from the adverse effects of divorce.
Divorce is considered an adverse childhood experience on the ACE scale. However, when parents keep conflict low and preserve supportive relationships — including with grandparents, aunts, and uncles — children gain protective factors that dramatically reduce long-term harm.
Collaborative Divorce Is Different by Design
Collaborative Divorce focuses on giving you information and guidance that helps you protect your children. If you and your spouse struggle to communicate, the collaborative process connects you with professionals such as child specialists who help you develop a parenting plan, improve communication, and support healthier co-parenting. Collaborative professionals receive additional training in mediation and conflict de-escalation, as well as how child specialists assist parents during separation. Their goal is to help you gain the skills you need to move through your separation with less conflict and build a stronger foundation for future co-parenting.
Call McNeill Family Law
If you want guidance that helps lower conflict and supports a healthier future for your family, McNeill Family Law is ready to help. Our team will walk you through your options, answer your questions, and support you in building a parenting plan that works. Call 587-956-9300 or contact us online to schedule a consultation.
McNeill Family Law is located at #200, 638 11 Ave S.W., Calgary, Alberta T2R 0E2.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why should I try to preserve a relationship with my spouse after divorce?
Because lower conflict between you and your spouse supports better emotional and physical outcomes for your children and helps you co parent more effectively.
Does going to court affect my relationship with my spouse?
Yes. Court places both of you in an adversarial system where affidavits, cross examination, and formal procedures often increase conflict.
How does Collaborative Divorce help?
Collaborative Divorce gives you access to trained professionals who help you reduce conflict, improve communication, and create a parenting plan that supports your children.
Do extended family relationships matter during divorce?
Yes. Keeping supportive relationships with grandparents and other family members helps reduce the negative effects of divorce on your children.
Can I force my ex to do Collaborative Divorce?”
No, both spouses must agree, but many people who initially resist change their minds once they understand how much it protects the kids and saves money long-term.
Beryl McNeill is a Calgary divorce lawyer who strongly believes mutual respect and understanding go a long way toward resolving family law matters. As a Registered Collaborative Law practitioner in Calgary, she has dedicated her firm to amicable, cooperative negotiation as a means for settling divorces. Furthermore, throughout her law career, Beryl has seen the costs of adversarial negotiations, both financial and emotional. In emphasizing the collaborative approach, Beryl offers her clients a more efficient model that preserves personal and monetary assets alike.
More and more individuals are attracted to resolving their family law matters in a civil, respectful way. Therefore, they come to Beryl from many walks of life—as professionals in the oil and gas industry and their spouses, business owners, and working spouses with children. Clients say that even after a single consultation with Beryl they feel less stressed and more clear about the way forward.
Beryl understands the often fearful, emotional early stages of divorce. Incorporating skills developed from her training as a life coach, Beryl helps clients move beyond their stress response to more logical, creative thinking. Once there, she works with clients to discover what’s truly important to them in attaining divorce. Furthermore, she encourages clients to picture what a successful settlement would look like a year or more down the road as a means of focusing on their goals. By educating and empowering clients, Beryl seeks to transform the way they resolve family disputes—in a more constructive, intelligent and amicable way than would be possible otherwise.
Finally, Beryl is very active with the Family Bar and the Collaborative Law Community. Her involvement provides her clients with the assurance that she has her finger on the pulse of Family Law in Alberta, offering them a distinct advantage in their quest for equity and civility.