Clear, respectful communication during divorce reduces stress and conflict. By assessing emotions, focusing on solutions, setting boundaries, keeping messages simple, and protecting children from conflict, you can create a healthier, more productive divorce process.
In any divorce, emotions run high, but effective communication with your spouse can make the process less stressful. Keep conversations respectful, focus on solutions, set boundaries, and consider professional support when needed.
Here are 6 tips for effectively communicating with your spouse during your divorce.
1. Assess the Emotional Temperature
Before trying to have meaningful discussions, it helps to recognize where you and your spouse are emotionally. Divorce comes with stages of grief such as anger or depression, and these feelings can impact your ability to talk productively. Take time to ask yourself: Am I ready to communicate calmly? Is my spouse? If either of you are still too angry or hurt, it may be wise to pause those conversations until emotions settle or seek help from a professional.
2. Keep Conversations Respectful
In all communications, respect is essential. Even short, practical exchanges about parenting schedules or household matters, you should avoid sarcasm, accusations, or revisiting old arguments. Respectful communication prevents you from moving backward and keeps the focus on reaching resolution.
3. Focus on Solutions, Not Problems
It is easy to become stuck on what went wrong or who is to blame. Instead, shift your focus to solutions. For example, rather than dwelling on disagreements about scheduling, work toward finding an arrangement that both of you can accept. Keeping your attention on problem-solving helps you make progress and reduces conflict.
4. Set Boundaries Around Communication
Identify which topics you can handle directly with your spouse, and which may require outside help. Some conversations may remain simple and transactional, such as coordinating child pick-ups. Others, like finances or property, can trigger conflict. In those situations, the Collaborative Divorce process is especially helpful. With the support of collaborative lawyers and trained mental health professionals, you have access to guidance and communication coaching. This support allows you and your spouse to work through the harder conversations in a structured, respectful way and move toward solutions you both can live with.
5. Keep Messages Short and Simple
If you are calling on the phone, texting or emailing, keep your messages brief and to the point. Avoid long explanations or emotional language. Simple, direct communication reduces misunderstandings and prevents your words from being used in a negative way later.
6. Protect Your Children from any Conflict
Your children should never be caught in the middle of arguments. Keep difficult conversations with your spouse private and avoid arguing in front of your children. If communication starts to feel too heated, reach out to a divorce coach or therapist for tools to manage conflict more effectively.
Contact McNeill Family Law
At McNeill Family Law in Calgary, we understand that healthy communication plays a vital role in reducing stress during divorce. Our team can connect you with the resources, strategies, and professional support you need to move forward. Call 587-956-9300 or contact us online to schedule a consultation and to learn how we can help guide you through this process with respect and care.
McNeill Family Law is located at #200, 638 11 Ave S.W., Calgary, Alberta T2R 0E2.
Beryl McNeill is a Calgary divorce lawyer who strongly believes mutual respect and understanding go a long way toward resolving family law matters. As a Registered Collaborative Law practitioner in Calgary, she has dedicated her firm to amicable, cooperative negotiation as a means for settling divorces. Furthermore, throughout her law career, Beryl has seen the costs of adversarial negotiations, both financial and emotional. In emphasizing the collaborative approach, Beryl offers her clients a more efficient model that preserves personal and monetary assets alike.
More and more individuals are attracted to resolving their family law matters in a civil, respectful way. Therefore, they come to Beryl from many walks of life—as professionals in the oil and gas industry and their spouses, business owners, and working spouses with children. Clients say that even after a single consultation with Beryl they feel less stressed and more clear about the way forward.
Beryl understands the often fearful, emotional early stages of divorce. Incorporating skills developed from her training as a life coach, Beryl helps clients move beyond their stress response to more logical, creative thinking. Once there, she works with clients to discover what’s truly important to them in attaining divorce. Furthermore, she encourages clients to picture what a successful settlement would look like a year or more down the road as a means of focusing on their goals. By educating and empowering clients, Beryl seeks to transform the way they resolve family disputes—in a more constructive, intelligent and amicable way than would be possible otherwise.
Finally, Beryl is very active with the Family Bar and the Collaborative Law Community. Her involvement provides her clients with the assurance that she has her finger on the pulse of Family Law in Alberta, offering them a distinct advantage in their quest for equity and civility.